Whole - Where are you going?
I have travelled for many years so this question levels me out a bit. “So, where are you going?” many would ask, and I was always there with a quick response of how God was opening the next door.
Most recently I was describing my life and how as I arrived at different locations I jumped on the rhetoric of, “I have arrived and I will remain here for the rest of my life, for God has opened the door.” You see, I had clearly heard from God on each occasion. The voice of God that only told you answers and the places you were going to arrive at, I would SAY I didn’t know and that I TRUSTED God but I was holding onto what I thought I knew and not trusting God 100%. You see, if God spoke answers rather than questions life would be average and wholeness would be worthless. Oh friends, it was not the voice of God. That was the voice of my ego, a response to my addiction to need approval and a deep desire to feel significant.
The thing is that I am not going to just berate myself because at the time of my youth I truly believed that I was being authentic. Part of me that truly wanted to arrive to “the call”, and the reality is I really just didn’t understand the question. I have had some amazing adventures and been in communities all across the world. I am living the dream and I love to travel as much as I love home. In my travelling I have actually come home in many different forms. It has been abundant and full of blessings. I am very grateful.
Questions can be an invitation or can make you feel quite defensive. Most recently my travels have been full of wonder and new beginnings but a new feeling inside of me also started to rise up. Instead of answering the question of where am I going? I started to evaluate and assume that everyone who asked me was just trying to figure out how much I was wasting my life. Phew. That was a big one to say out loud.
As much as I have left and returned many have wanted to see me “settled”. I know more clearly than ever that where I am going is about not knowing the answer. My responses could be as practical as the USA or a metaphorical as towards home within myself. They are some form of answer but they aren’t the answer to the way that God poses this question, they are just a small part.
Where are you going? Is a question that assumes one thing – that you are leaving somewhere. That leaving is physical and mental and requires vulnerability and obedience and the resistance to grab on to arriving. The vulnerability comes because you actually do end up experiencing life within the essence of temporary dwelling place. That life is fragile and the road is unknown truly. It also requires letting go of things that you keep on picking up because they feel familiar. Really leaving means you really don’t know where you are going? and you would be unwise to keep on taking the familiar with you. It is deeply connected to wholeness and the restoration that only a loving Father can bring us through sacred movement and story. He is always waiting, always present and always for us. He simply says walk in my ways, choose obedience and keep your eyes up.
I am following a dream to live in a different country and I do not know the outcome. Will it be for the rest of my life, I don’t know. I know I don’t want to do the journey without a life partner but I don’t know where I am going or what I might find along the way. I do know one thing though. I know that God will lift up my eyes and cause me to see as He does, for He has called my name and my only destination is the wholeness of a restored daughter to a heavenly Father.
Here is a beautiful blessing written by Steve from Whole, found on pg69
“May you have the courage to leave the familiar place behind so that you can go to the place that God will show you….”
Whole by Steve Wiens is available on Amazon. Click here for more info!